Sooner or later we all will get thrust into a situation where we must give someone unwelcome and unwanted news. We may have to tell a friend or family member about an illness of a mutual acquaintance. We may have to fire an employee. Or maybe we must tell a customer that we cannot fix their problem. Delivering bad news so that it doesn’t seem quite as bad takes finesse, practice, and an awareness of what not to do. Here are five mistakes commonly made when delivering bad news.
Mistake 1: Lack of Empathy
“Bad news is best delivered in person, and how you deliver the message is many times more important than what you actually say,” advises U.S. News and World Report. “Think about how you would feel if you were the one receiving the bad news, and prepare your words accordingly. Be mindful of your facial expressions and body language. Make it apparent that you understand the person's feelings.”
Mistake 2: Bad Timing
While waiting for the best possible moment isn’t always possible, when you can, you should delay the bad news until the other person has the time and is open to listening to you. “[D]elivering bad news as a person is coming in the door from a day of work or school, or after you've just had a huge row with your partner is not likely to be the best of times,” Wikihow.com observes. “While there is not ‘good time’ to tell bad news, there is a point to waiting until a person is not in the middle of arriving or similar. If the news is of such import and urgency that it can't wait for a ‘better time,’ just take a deep breath and break into whatever is going on with something like, ‘I need to speak with you, Jane, and I'm afraid it can't wait.’
Mistake 3: Using Improper Phrases
Being the bearer of bad news is an unpleasant experience for all of us. Sometimes we try to gloss over the unpleasantness with expressions that we think may ease the other person’s pain when actually we are aggravating the situation. Here are some phrases to avoid according to Lifehacker.com:
- “It could be worse. [This phrase] can be viewed as a dismissal of the experience and invalidate a person’s feelings.
- Everything happens for a reason. Statements like this can be upsetting as it implies there's a justification for the bad news.
- You'll be over this in no time. In addition to lacking empathy, using phrases like this one—suggesting that the bad news isn't a big deal—can change the context of the message.
- I know exactly how you feel. We use this in an attempt to 'normalize' the experience, but this can be viewed as inconsiderate and unconcerned.
- "At least... This phrase "is minimizing at best and offensive at worst. It's in the same category as ‘look on the bright side.’ In short, don't use it—even if you think you're being helpful.
Mistake 4: Making An Inappropriate Joke
“If you think humor is the best way to reduce tension, you’re wrong,” says fastcompany.com. Most likely, your audience is not ready to laugh. You’ll probably be greeted with crickets at best, followed by growing silence. Now that’s going to cause you more tension.”
Mistake 5: Trying to deflect
We’ve all done it—when delivering an unpleasant message, we try to deflect responsibility by using these two common expressions: “I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” or “Don’t shoot the messenger.” These phrases are more about easing our own guilt than about making the situation less painful for the other person. Leave these expressions out of the conversation. When it comes to bad news you must step up, be a grown-up, and accept the responsibility of delivering a less-than-desirable message.
